One year ago today Adam and I went for a sonogram at 22 weeks pregnant. The range of emotions we felt that day is indescribable, as we saw our sweet little man moving around, discovered we were having another boy and unexpectedly heard the words that changed our lives forever, “There’s a problem with the baby’s heart.”
We spent the next few days in a state of emotional chaos…so many questions, an abundance of information to take in, and so much uncertainty. We wondered if our little guy would make it through the pregnancy, if we’d ever have the chance to meet him. OR, if we did, would he only be with us for a few minutes? Maybe hours?
I remember as if it was yesterday, walking in to Jacob’s Well after my appointment that morning. My sweet friend Michelle had taken Kade and Adry to our church playgroup with her kiddos, so I went to meet them. I remember wiping my face and trying to pull it together before walking down the stairs to the play room…but who was I kidding?! I also remember sort of hoping no one would ask how things went, or maybe that no one but Mich knew where I had been. I walked through that door and went to join the circle of my mommy friends, greeted by Kade and Adry with a quick hug long before I sat myself down. They were gone in a flash, and I wasn’t even seated when across the circle came the question, “How’d it go?!?! Healthy and strong??” I felt the tears start to fall down my face as I slowly explained that our little man’s heart was ‘broken’ and we would know little until he was born as to his prognosis.
As I look back, I cannot begin to express how thankful I am that God had me in that exact place at that exact time. I felt Michelle’s arms around me nearly before I’d finished the first sentence about Koal’s heart. The amazing women God placed me in the presence of that day surrounded me, prayed for me and our sweet babe, and supported me with love and encouragement that day, and every day for the past year. I am so blessed to get to share “life” with these amazing women from our church…and so thankful for them, and how they’ve blessed us through this time.
Our life changed that morning…expectations, hopes, fears and plans…everything was different. What did NOT change was our Almighty, faithful God. For the past year, we have felt Him in such an amazing, overwhelming way. He has wrapped His arm around us and protected us, held us and walked with us through a year of confusion, fear and overwhelming JOY. We were never once in a place where we felt angry or anxious…knowing always that He would go before us and work for His glory in all of this. He has filled us with a sense of peace that transcends all understanding, just as He promises in Philippians 4, and given us His strength to get through each and every day.
A year ago I didn’t know if my life would look as it does today…with an adorable 8 month old little guy full of smiles and joy. What a year it has been…and how thankful we are for our sweet, precious Koal.
